Lessons Learned At A Coffee Shop

I am notorious for my ability to hold in my grievances when I am physically interacting with someone, and then letting my frustration consume me until I am around my kin, whom I feel comfortable ranting my pants off to. Somebody will offend or frustrate me, and in the heat of the moment, I brush it off or even agree with the perpetrator, meanwhile, a flurry of anger swirls within my little self.

Today, my mom and I went for coffee because we are addicts. Also because the best of conversations are had over coffee, and it was raining. My mom left her phone in the car, so we were free of distractions. I saw this as an opportune moment to release some of the anger i’d been stewing over for the past few days regarding someone who shalt not be named because this is the World Wide Web, and I feel like I should probably grow up and address these specific issues with this person in a face-to-face manner like grown-ups are supposed to do.

Anyway, there we were, drinking our overpriced lattes, and me complaining about aforementioned grievances between sips. After about seven minutes of this, I was just getting started, and my mom had that “problem solver” look on her face as I spoke.

Once I finally shut my mouth for a moment, my mother’s parental advising began.

I don’t know how you guys feel about your mamas, but I can say with absolute certainty that my mom is badass and super wise and I need her bad.

First of all, my mom made it blatantly clear that my complaints were in vain. She told me that I am in control of this situation, and that if I can’t express how I feel to this individual, that I have nobody to blame but myself. Then, because I am an anxiety freak who thinks she needs to have everything figured out right now, or kill herself working towards what she thinks she wants, my mom told me to just enjoy.

Now, these little nuggets of advice might seem simple and completely obvious, and perhaps they are, but to me, they are profound words of wisdom. She is absolutely right-I am in complete control of how I allow this situation to affect me. I have a couple of options here: 1) Remove myself from the source of the frustrations or 2) Express my grievances to this individual and see how things go from there. If they don’t go the way I need them to, I resort to option 1 by default.

Mama Tingey solves another one.

I want to dwell a little longer on my mom’s second piece of advice. “Just Enjoy.” My mom may or may not be going through a bit of a crisis right now, but she revealed to me today her plan to get a tattoo on her ankle. (We come from an LDS background, this is a BIG deal.)

She said getting a tattoo is something she’s always wanted to do. That’s the thing, if you don’t actually DO the things you want to do, you will never do them. Duh?

This all may seem a little jumbled, but I couldn’t help but think about my own life. In my previous post, I complained (haha surprise!) about how everyone else was out doing things and living their lives while I remained stagnant. But in reality, the only difference between them and me is the fact that they are out doing the things they want to do, and I am making excuses as to why I cannot do the things I want to do.

My mom is right, as per usual. I am young, things are flexible, and I should just enjoy. I can’t keep on going through life doing only things I tell myself I HAVE to do. I just need to swallow the world’s biggest chill pill and just enjoy.

M.

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Aspire

I hope y’all had a fantastic Mother’s Day! And I REALLY hope that Mother’s Day significantly improves your attitude and treatment of your own mama. That lady deserves the utmost respect and love on a constant basis. She also deserves breakfast in bed and a sentimental gift on occasion. 

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You could say I won the mommy lottery.

Mama Tingey and I are both very highly-opinionated, tenacious German women, and as consequence, we haven’t always had the strongest relationship. But now that I’m getting older, I’m starting to realize that if we join powers, we could become quite the force to be reckoned with. Whether we’re getting along or not, my mom will always be my best friend. 

I want to focus this post on the kind of mother I aspire to become. (AFTER i’ve achieved my academic goals and established myself in a stable and successful career, of course.) 

According to the last MA$H I played during church in ’07, I am going to have 27 kids and marry Aaron Carter. But real life, unfortunately, isn’t MA$H, so I will be having two children, and will probably marry a very non-famous young man, perhaps an accountant named Steve. 

Once I have birthed my two children (preferrably a boy named Boston and then a daughter named Saylor), I am determined to be one kick-A mama, granted that the inhabitants of earth are still human and not some sci-fi, high-tech cybourg race. Parenting will only get harder, given the rate at which technology advances and the culture and societal views as a whole continue to get more and more sucky, but I will not let that discorage me from bringing up my children to become kick-A adults themselves. 

First of all, this whole gender-role thing is going out the window from day 1 of Boston and Saylor’s lives. If Boston prefers to feed a cabbage patch doll with a plastic bottle, he shall be given multiple bottles and a stroller for his doll. If Saylor finds toy trucks and race cars more fascinating than a play kitchen, she will have a Hot Wheels birthday party at the Go-Kart track. 

But, if they naturally gravitate to their respective gender-role based toys, that’s a thousand percent fine with me, too. Whatever draws in their interest and creativity most. 

My kiddos will not be naive, but they will not be cynical, either. They will know of the dangers that lurk within the world they live in, but they will also be taught to see the good in others, and how to successfully veer out of trouble’s wake. 

I’m going to be the best friend and the worst enemy. Hard work and respectable behavior will be heavily rewarded, and shortcomings will be punished. Attitude will not be tolerated. 

Body image issues will not even be a possiblity, because my children will be primarily praised for their non-physical, positive character traits, rather than their physical ones, and as consequence, they will learn that a person’s value is not measured by physical appearence. 

Bottom line is, i’m going to raise my kids to be happy, independent, educated, non-ignorant individuals who know that they have the potential to become anything they desire. 

I am not going to be perfect, but you can bet your bottom dollar i’m going to burn myself out trying, just like my own mom. 

Here’s to the moms of the world. Y’all are incredible, and we need you more than you could possibly know. 

M.