Dogged

2014 is finally coming to a close. This year, in my life, anyway, can be described best as the Bella Swan year. And by that, I mean, I spent most of it whining about how badly my life sucked and did virtually nothing to make it suck less. Actually, if anything, I probably made it worse for myself.

I think that the whole “New Year, New Me” theme that we have going on with the conclusion of a calendar year is sappy and a bit lame, but my own little rebirth just so happens to be going on at the same time everybody else is vowing to go on the photosynthesis diet, or spend less than they earn and put it in a savings account to be binge-spent later.

I have a resolution or two for myself that I will be implementing in the immediate future. No “one last donut, and then i’ll start my diet” mindset for me. I’m gonna get a little sappy up in here, and drop a bunch of cliche’s that cause me to face-palm myself hard in public, but without further ado, here are my resolutions.

1. Get Back On the Straight and Narrow

I’ve mentioned before that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. However, ever since I graduated high school and was relieved of any sort of familial pressure to attend my church meetings, I have become rather inactive. My conflicting personal beliefs (i.e. feminism) mix with my church’s beliefs like oil and water, so needless to say, attending church leaves me with the bad taste in my mouth that is internal conflict. I’m not excusing my lack of church attendance, rather, I amd simply explaining my thought processes.

I resolve this day to begin regularly attending my church meetings, as my job permits, and even though it begins at 9:00 AM. If I ever find myself in a discussion in which I find offensive, oppressive, or simply disagree with, I will do one of three things:

  • 1. I will raise my hand and vocalize my opposing opinions, regardless of what others might think.
  • 2. I will reverently excuse myself from the meeting and scroll through Pinterest on my phone in the hallway until the next meeting begins, and maintain an open mind for the next meeting.

I am going to focus my thoughts and energies on the aspects of my religion that I do agree with, and strive to follow Christ, which means learning to accept and love those who are and think differently than I do.

2. Self-Tolerence

I have this cute little habit called Perfectionism, and it drains my happiness. It’s no secret that i’ve been seeing a therapist for the past few months to help remedy my slightly self-destructive behaviors, and let me just say, it has done wonders for my mental well-being. My expectations for myself are completely unattainable, and when I inevitably fail to reach said expectations, I am simply merciless. I resolve to accept my shortcomings, and even try embracing them. I am not superhuman, unfortunately. So I will settle for my humanly, flawed, best efforts.

3. No Comparision

One of my favorite quotes in the history of forever is “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I have no idea who said that, but he or she was one deep individual. I am guilty of comparing myself to others, and all that it does for me is make me unhappy with the life I have. I’m not resolving to stop comparing myself to others, as that would be breaking my previous resolution of demanding perfection from myself, but I’m sure as hell going to try my hardest to not let it ruin me.

4. Be Present

Lately, I’ve gotten a lot better at living in the “now” and enjoying life as it is. I’ve stopped wishing away my time, eager to tackle the next task on my pathetic, little agenda. I’m learning to fully immerse my attention into what I am currently doing, and that makes everything seem more enjoyable, even work! Yes, work. In order to continue this upward spiral, I am resolving to immerse myself in my relationships with other people. I’m a people-hater, the type that loves to be alone, selfishly locked away in my room, keeping people, and emotions for people, at bay. This will not be the case any longer! I’m gonna start being a person who people want to be around. So there.

5. Lose the Jiggle. 

Yeah, right! That’s like asking me to bow down to the patriarchy, to which I say, “Over my untoned, dead body!” I do want to get healthier, though, and will begin attending the gym as it fits in with my schedule and mood. I’m already a permanently psycho health-freak anyway, thanks to my good friend Anorexia.

6. Stay True To My Beliefs, and Stay Out of the Defensive Zone

I am very “stuck in my ways” when it comes to things i’m passionate about. Yes, especially feminism. I struggle to give suitors the benefit of the doubt in their courting efforts, and tend to assume the worst out of each one. Hmmm, makes me wonder why i’m single again. Anyway, I’m not changing my beliefs in human equality for anyone, no matter how many abs he has or what kind of car he drives. But I am going to stop looking for reasons to be pissed off by those trying to date me and give people a chance.

So there you have it, my six resolutions for self-improvement.

Have a safe and fun new years eve, people! Do something crazy, and kiss someone attractive.

Cheers!

M.

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2 thoughts on “Dogged

  1. Although I don’t agree with the church, I still find the gospel to be true. I have separated the two in my head, which is what helps me find a place within my church that keeps my personal beliefs and my spirituality at peace.

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  2. The reason I left the church is because I couldn’t stand to absorb what was being told. Here’s what I think: If you aren’t comfortable being told such things, it may be time to move on. You can still live closely to Christ outside of something established.

    I can’t call myself a “Vegetarian” if I occasionally eat a delicious steak. If you aren’t going to closely follow what is taught, then it would be hard to call yourself something you’re not.

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