The Young and the Faltering

At 18 years old, I feel like life is passing me by. I can’t scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook without viewing an annoyingly-ecstatic ex-classmate’s engagement announcement. THESE CHICKS ARE MY AGE. I’m all for everyone making their own choices and doing whatever the hell makes them happy, but I’m not going to lie, I’m jealous of these girls. Their lives actually seem to be going somewhere. 

Granted, I am nowhere near being ready to make such a commitment. I can’t even commit to a breakfast cereal long enough to buy the Costco-sized value pack. Which is totally fine, especially for someone as young as myself. But let’s be honest, at this rate, all the relationship-worthy men will be snatched up by my fellow pubescent peers. 

Lately, I feel as though nothing is necessarily wrong, but nothing is definitely right, either. I just want some golden opportunity to jump out at me and steer me in some progressive direction. Currently, I am floating through life. Indecisive, uncommitted, and scared to death. 

The decisions I’m supposed to be making right now will determine the quality of the rest of my life. The thought of making a wrong (or lesser) choice terrifies me. I’d like to wave my rights to make any more life decisions, because past experience serves evidence enough that I am not capable of making aforementioned decisions. 

I think the most frustrating part about it all is that at this time last year, when I was still drifting through the breeze that was high school, I thought i’d have it all figured out by now. I was convinced that somehow, upon my graduation, everything would fall into place, and I would discover who I truly am and what my real passions in life are and all that jazz. I could not have been more wrong. 

To be frank, I don’t have the slightest clue of what I am doing. 

All I want is to be happy, and to find people to surround myself with that will help me be happy. I can no longer endure this wishy-washy, floating-around, take-it-day-by-day lifestyle. I want to pursue something gosh dang it. 

And all this talk about preparing for my “future” is ridiculous. We never stop preparing for the future. I seem to have forgotten how to live in the present. Why do all of my actions have to somehow prepare me for this thing we call “future?” Why can’t I just do something that brings immediate satisfaction every once in a while? 

In summary, I think i’ll pass on the whole “growing up” thing. That way, I won’t have to deal with watching disgusting couples be happy together, choosing a career path, the patriarchy, or anything else for that matter.

I think instead I’ll go back to the days when the hardest decision I had to make was whether or not I wanted sprinkles on my ice cream cones and I could spend hours outside playing in the sprinklers with the neighborhood kids, and nothing was a waste of time. 

M. 

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20 thoughts on “The Young and the Faltering

  1. thank you for the advice 🙂 I’m honestlyt still figuring out what I want & what I love & totally welcome It was a pleasure !! reading your thoughts & thanks for the follow ❤

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  2. First off, let me just say thank you so much for reading and giving feedback. I absolutely love hearing others’ thoughts on my posts! I’m so glad other people relate to my directionless existence(: You’re still in high school, though! Enjoy every last bit of it. Have fun, goof off, learn as much as you can about yourself. Because once it’s over, you do NOT want to end up in my confused and puzzling condition. Find what you love, and pursue it. No matter what it is. That’s where my problem lies-I don’t know what I love and what will make me happy. Stay strong for the remainder of your high school existence. If I can get out alive, anyone can(: Thank you so much for your kind words! I am following you back and look forward to checking out your blog(:

    M.

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  3. you are literally writing down my feelings except that I’m still in high school & I am feeling just the way you felt during high school … that by passing to university everything would fall into plave & I would have it all figured out, believe it or not … I spent this whole school-year PLANNING studying schedules & cleaning schedules & sport schedules but I literally achieved nothing & I don’t know what am I doing ! It’s like life is passing me by & I’m staring & planning but not achieving :/ sadly … I wish I could be a child again !! Oh and by the way I’m addicted to your blog , Best blog so far ^_^

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  4. Excellent post! I think aspiring to be happy is so much more important than trying to keep up with everyone else you know. Facebook is a terrible place, and while I am addict myself, it only encapsulates the extremes in people’s lives. You rarely see the mundane things that go on, well that isn’t entirely true since I have a few people that think everyone wants to know what they do every second of the day, or the the deep seeded unhappiness of others.

    Being happy is paramount in my book- there is no need to feel like you should be achieving the same milestones, and, in all honesty, why are people getting engaged at 18? I won’t judge, but life is just getting started at that point. Keep your chin up! I am almost 28 and still have no clue of who or what I want to be when I grow up. I plan on riding life like a ride, I don’t make plans because there is too much fluidity in the world.

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  5. Thanks for posting on my blog. I will try to check out more of yours when I have a chance. I can tell you right now, you have it together far more than I did at 18 or 24 (I’m 33). I also want to let you know that things aren’t always what they seem. Facebook and social media is a place where people try to look like they have it all together. Nobody does. I promise. I’ve noticed couples who constantly try to post all the lovey dovey stuff for everyone to see, usually have the first relationships to fail. You’re intelligent and responsible, things will work out. When I was 18 I thought 25 was an eternity away. It was the blink of an eye. Enjoy the journey, and my run on comment!!

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  6. Oh sweetie.. you are too young and you will never stop thinking about the future. From someone much older than you, looking back, I can only advise to take it one decision at a time. Don’t procrastinate too long, life will quickly pass you by, but know that things don’t always turn out as you plan them. The more you plan, the more you may become frustrated. So, take it one step at a time. It is time now, to just choose where you want to live and go to school (if that is your plan). Once you’re there, take the first couple of years to decide what you enjoy doing for the rest of your life…and start to just explore. That’s all. It doesn’t all need to be decided NOW.

    As for marriage and kids, don’t even stress yourself with that at this age.

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  7. I remember having this exact same conversation with my roommates as a 19 year old college sophomore. How the heck to they expect me to choose my career for the next 40 years when I can’t even choose which color to paint my nails that day? It’s a daunting task. But, in the end, we all choose. We all either dig down deep and find the passion of our lives or we throw a dart and hope for the best. I ended up throwing a dart and discovering a passion. Now, I’m 23 and while I LOVE my degree and job as a rec therapist, it’s not my 40 year plan. I’m on to phase 2 and after this, I bet Phase 3 will be even more exciting. What I’m trying to say is dont plan for 40 years because it probably wont pan out that way. Choose a dream and pursue it, you’ll be fine! If you want to read the 23 year old versions of your life skip on over to trustingadventure.com and check out my latest post and “Just, everything”

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  8. Thank you for posting on my blog! Thought I’d check yours out and see what it’s like. Low and behold, I found something in common with you. I agree that it is weird to see your friends get engaged at 18 and have children. Sometimes, however, that’s all a person wants. That’s okay, because if it makes them happy, then go for it!

    Personally, I have too many dreams to settle down just yet, but I love how you look at both sides of the spectrum. You are right: we never stop preparing for the future because the future never goes away. Our future is now. Don’t wait for the golden opportunity. Create your own. Don’t wait for someone to encourage you to go for your dreams, encourage yourself. No one is going to live your life but you. Make it a life that you’re past self would think is worth living.

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  9. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t have nearly enough life experience to be making such impactful decisions. I agree, it will take a lot of hard work on such a young couples’ part in order to maintain a successful marriage. For me, I guess I just gotta keep moving forward, even if it is a solo journey. Thanks for your encouraging words(:

    M.

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  10. I just wish someone would tell me what will make me the happiest, y’know? Haha thanks so much for your encouraging words!(: We’re all bound to figure things out eventually, right?

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  11. I think that’s the hardest thing to remember, that I need to go about things at my own pace and do what’s best for me, regardless of what my peers are up to. Thank you so much for you kind words! They mean a lot.(: We just keep swimming, right?

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  12. At 18, one can’t possibly know definitively what they wanna do for the rest of his or her life. What we want at 18 will change when we’re 28, 38, 48… Life is full of changes and people are always evolving. This is why there are so many divorces. People are always evolving and if both spouses don’t evolve harmoniously together, differences arise and divorce becomes unevitable.

    The joy about life is having fun on the journey to self-discovery. I just got divorced on Jan 9th after hvg been married for ten yrs. Though I thought I’d always be married to the same man, life tks u down a diff path sometimes than what u had expected; not necessarily bad or good…but different. I don’t know wht the heck I’m doing, but I am living in the moment and enjoying every minute.

    All the ppl getting married now, majority will end up in divorce in 5-10 yrs. Mark my words. It’s sad but it’s the harsh reality. So take your time. It happens when you least expect it. Good luck!

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  13. I’m so glad you commented on my blog and I got linked to yours! I can resonate to your words and your feelings completely!
    I am graduating from university in a month and I am so lost as to what I want to do in the future. I was and still am suffering from depression and anxiety and the future just seems so terrifying to me. Lately I’ve encouraged myself to take deep breaths and just focus on trying to do the best I can each day. If I have a good day, I’d be proud of myself. If I had a bad day, I decided I will not dwell on it and put it behind me. (lol sorry I don’t know what I was trying to express)
    I will end with a quote by my spirit animal April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation: “I’m going to tell you a secret about everyone else’s jobs. No one knows what they’re doing. Deep down everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too because you’re awesome and everyone else sucks”.=)

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  14. You are insightful and have wisdom that people twice and three times your age don’t have. We as a society impose these “milestones” on ourselves arbitrarily and chide those of us who don’t adhere to them. Your race is yours and yours alone and has no deadlines in it; run it at the pace that is comfortable for you. It’s like the steeple chase; if a runner is focused on their competition and the progress they are making rather than their own race they will be tripped up by obstacles that would have otherwise hurdled over. Stay the course, you are on a great path.

    T. Nicole

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  15. Wow, thank you so much. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I just feel that everyone around me seems to know exactly what they want and how to get there, and I’m just a scared, little, confused girl who just floats along, day by day, not getting any closer to the woman she’s supposed to become. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!(: you are a gem. Take care(:

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  16. Yes they do girl! I will stay posted on your posts and stay connected 🙂 everything always falls into place – to my new blog buddy! X

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  17. First things first darlin’, you’re an absolute doll! I love your blog! You have such great thoughts on life and express them in a very poignant way. Keep at it!

    Secondly, I’m from the South, where the only thing you do with your life is get married and pop out a few babies before you turn 25. That just ain’t me. It never has been, and it never will be.

    I applaud you in your efforts to find out what you want from life, and how to get it. However, let me just say that as a 24 year old, I remember being 18 (almost 19) and struggling with the same thoughts you’re having. What am I doing with my life? Why isn’t this as easy as I thought it would be? Is it me? Should I want something else? I’ll be the first to say, don’t worry about who you are going to be or where you are going to go. The years between 18-21 were my BIGGEST years of growth, things changed so drastically every 6 months! Don’t give up hope and DON’T give up on your goals.

    You’re doing great, and even if things might seem a little confusing or “definitely not right”, just know that you have many, many, MANY years ahead to figure it all out.

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  18. Thank you so much(: the uncertainty of it all is overwhelmingly stressful, and I can’t help but feel entirely stagnant. But sometimes things get worse before they get better right? Thank you so much for your kind words! Take care(:

    M.

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  19. Hey girl,
    I was just chatting to a friend about how when I was 18 (I am 30 now, don’t worry shit gets better 🙂 I always thought that by 30 I would have ‘been who I wanted to be and done what I wanted to do’. Well sista that wasn’t the case. I ended to learn…. A lot and all good stuff and some bad but hey it’s life it the experiences right?
    Someone once told me life isn’t about the destination; the end goal. It’s about the journey. Now I know it can sound fluffy but I promise you everything that’s happening is all for the bigger greater purpose and the fun thing is you now finding it! Well I have totally just blogged on your comment box lol but yeah felt the need to connect 🙂 big love u gorgeous Queen xx E

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